Big boys do cry:The hidden struggles preventing men from seeking therapy

Men’s Perceptions of Therapy

In the quiet of my therapy room, I often notice an imbalance: for every ten women who find their way to this space, only one man steps through the door. More broadly, a third of people who enter therapy are male, and many are resistent to stay in the therapy process beyond a few sessions. This made me curious about the gender disparity between male and female perception of therapy. What are the barriers to men seeking therapy and how we can bridge the gap?

Barriers to Men Seeking Therapy

Stigma and Cultural Expectations

In a recent poll I conducted, 73% of people felt that the biggest barrier to men going to therapy was related to stigma and cultural expectations. Even though perceptions about men opening up have changed, there is still a common idea that men are not allowed to show vulnerability. Often when a man does open up this has led to him being exposed to criticism or mockery as well as being told to 'man up'. This feeds into the negative notion of a man’s emotional state being an unwelcome or unacceptable aspect of himself. This is further excerbated by the confusion around what men's role in society is and what modern masculinity truly looks like.

Cost of Therapy

18% of respondents felt that the cost of therapy was also a factor preventing men from accessing support. The costs of private therapy remain high, and many men may prefer to spend money on things they view as more worthwhile.

Ego and Admitting the Need for Help

Some respondents, additionally, felt that a man’s ego and the act of admitting he needs help is a major hurdle. It naturally takes courage for anyone to reach out for therapy, but this can be even more difficult for men who are often viewed as problem-solvers, emotionally resilient, and not in need of support. Half of the people surveyed (50%) thought that seeking therapy is still seen as a sign of weakness that won’t help. This perception comes both from internalised beliefs and from concerns about how others may judge a man who seeks help.

Concerns About the Therapy Space

Another challenge is the gender imbalance in the profession: around 84% of therapists are female, while only 16% are male. Naturally, some men worry about opening up to a female therapist-what it might feel like to cry in front of her, or whether they’ll be judged when sharing something they feel ashamed of. These are valid concerns, and they highlight why building trust in the therapeutic relationship is so important.

Choosing therapy becomes the line where courage meets vulnerability

What Encourages Men to Seek Therapy

One of the key motivators for men to engage in therapy is seeing other men do the same. The positive example of peers or public figures can break down barriers and shift stereotypes about who goes to therapy. Many high-profile celebrities have spoken openly about their mental health struggles, helping young boys and men normalise emotional vulnerability. Choosing therapy becomes the line where courage meets vulnerability. Partners also play a big role since many men attend therapy after being encouraged by a loved one rather than deciding entirely on their own.

Different forms of therapy such as support groups, walk & talk therapies, peer groups and online counselling offer different approaches to therapy that make it more accessible and appealine to men. Therapy modalties such as Solution Focused or CBT provide a practical, action-oriented framework, offering an alternative to traditional talking therapies that rely heavily on emotional processing which some men find less comfortable.

Moving Forward

I have been pleasantly surprised by the increase in men seeking therapy and truly engaging in the process. As a qualified therapist, I fully encourage men to seek therapy not only in times of crisis but also for personal development. Sadly, the suicide rate among men remains very high with 75% of people who die by suicide being male. This demonstrates that men are not receiving the mental health support they need in a timely way. When I sit with a man in the therapy room, I feel enormous respect for the courage it takes to embark on this journey. I am humbled when they choose me as their therapist and allow me to witness their experiences. My aim is always to make therapy collaborative, supportive, and beneficial. If you are interested in finding out more about how I can support you, please fill out the contact form here to arrange an initial 15-minute introductory call.

In a world that still teaches men to hold their pain in silence the therapy room becomes both a radical choice and a courageous act.